What Would Matt Do

As I've taken up stalking Raph now along with Lum. I was reading his recent article on the things he's received from his time developing MMORPGs and it got me thinking. One, I never got any cool memorabilia (though I do have that UO cloth map) from my MMORPG years, but I did get a lot of memories.

I remember back when UO first came out and a friend in the office I was working at at the time showed it me. I had heard about it, being a gamer and all, but hadn't really though it sounded that cool. Then I saw him wearing a sword and armor he made, killing and orc who looked quite angry and taking his goods. And then he killed a sheep…just because he could. I was hooked. I started playing UO, took up mining, got killed by some Red bastard and learned over time how to deal with asshats in MMORGPs. I played with my office mates most every lunch, I played in some UO sponsored events, I went hunting npcs and Reds alike. I got bored of doing that and would go out and find Reds and get them to talk (usually after killing me) or challenge them to one on one duels (more often than not, I got slaughtered by the on lookers before the duel was finished if I was winning, which I usually did). I spent a lot of time with UO. I was a four year vet last time I played, still got killed by the bigger NPCs because I refused not to melee (melee was almost always the worst option in UO).

I went back to UO after quitting in disgust twice and of boredom once (Trammel ruined UO) 4 separate times. I was completely and totally hooked on MMORPGs, UO in particular at that point, but then EQ came along. And even though I cursed the fly by night design changes UO went through over and over (this patch, archers are "fixed". What they meant was, they turned them into the most powerful class and the flavor of the week), I signed up to my next one, EQ.

I was so naive. In UO I felt like the developers/designers were either inept or just didn't really understand the beast they had created. Even with all of the advancements they had made to the game (friends lists, guild, better security in towns, better player housing, etc, etc), they didn't really grasp that they weren't building a community very well. But EQ…man. I still remember first playing a dwarf (Little know fact about me…given my druthers, I'll almost always play a dwarf first in any fantasy game) for the first time and getting lost trying to make my way back from Orc Hill having wandered into the elf starting area. Every tree looked the same (literally), every direction looked the same and most people were completely useless for getting help from. Eventually I gave up on my dwarf, but decided I really liked the elven starting area (once I got used to it I knew where i was by fallen logs in middle of the forest…that how often I wandered around that fucking zone lost), I created a Druid. The Druid turned out to be the ultimate class in buffing requests. I'd get people that never talked to me beyond "sow.plskth." Sometimes they aren't even that literal. At first I started granting those requests, then got bored of being a buff bot and made people ask nicely. Then I made people pay me, then I decided the real money was porting and got high enough level to do that and started building my meager fortune. That was after spending hours upon hours killing those little glowie wisp guys because they sold well to players (when it got dark, glowing was horrible important) or to the gypsies three zones away because I could run fast and not die to the random crap that attacked you as you went.

After I really got a grasp on the game a joined and left a few guilds, I found a good guild filled with good people that really just wanted to have fun. And even though the developers actively hated on us (Shaman potions work fine! You're lying!), we had a great time because there we a core group of us (and my wife who I convinced to play, even though her horrible sense of direction always had running off in the wrong direction when we were attacked. We spent many time collecting her after we all get split up when running and had to try to find her again) that always wanted to play with each other and always made each other laugh. I fought past the most boring game design aspect ever (meditating in EQ used to required you to stare at your spell book until you reach 36(?)th level. God did I spend way too much time staring at that thing waiting for my mana to come back), past monsters randomly stalking players much lower levels than them (gryphons and sand giants, I'm looking at you) and past feeling that game was designed by people that actively hated fun (every single patch was a nerf in one way or another. Sure, they added features, but more often than not, they balanced. And balance to them meant, take away from everyone). All to have fun with people I only ever knew online. And then I got bored…and so I left and lost contact with that guild and still wish I knew where they were to this day (do they still exist? do they play WoW?).

After EQ I was pretty burnt out on MMORPGs. I really considered never playing them again… I played UO again for a bit, but Trammel had killed that game and it just wasn't the same. But I couldn't stay away. Lum the Mad was partially to blame for that. He took it to devs at a time when no one else did. Reading his site made me laugh and made me not take it all so seriously, that it was as redicious as it seemed and it was all right. Much like John Stewart does now. I'm forever grateful for that (happy late birthday Lum!). About that time I started hearing about and then playing this brand new MMORPG called DAOC.

I was stunned. The game wasn't perfect and it didn't do everything right, but at the same time it did a lot of things right/fun and the developers didn't seem to actively hate me. As a matter of fact, they communicated with the community and did it with out forums (something I didn't agree with, but it seemed to work well for them). And while leveling was painfully slow and there was no zone to get away from things (something I grown pretty accustomed to in EQ), it was a lot of fun. I could play a knight of the round, a sottish bastard from the north or many other generic fantasy roles (vikings!) and each land felt really different. It still had the flaw of higher levels being more boring than the lower levels, but my wife and I played it a lot and even though we never got past our thirties in that game, we probably had about 10 different characters we played together. And even though changes/fixes were slow, I always felt like Mythic didn't hate me.

Then they hired Lum and the world cried. Well, ok, not really, but no one did Lum's job as well as Lum. It was a golden age in cantankerous gaming. One that years like '06 really don't breed anymore (so many good games this year). I figured it made sense at the time and even though I missed his writing, I hoped he could change the system from the inside. I don't know if it ever worked.

After that there were little bits of games here and there, but nothing big until WoW came along. WOW. I mean that. I fell in love. I was a dwarven paladin who could mine his own ore and make his own weapons. And who could sell his goods in the AH for mucho bucks. Who could save his party by sacrificing himself in deeds of glory, whose best side kick was a little gnome named trixie (my wife) who loved to freeze and burn things far too early :P. It was a glorious time in MMORPG gaming for me. We went through a couple of crapper guilds and then stumbled upon some good blokes who ran the guild for fun and made everyone feel welcome and useful. We made it to level 48 in that game before finally calling it quits. Explored all kinds of continents, killed Horde galore in battlegrounds and basically had a blast until we reached the 40's. That was basically the end of the game for us. We have three kids and just didn't want to do long instances every time we logged on.

That was highest level I made it any MMORPG. I'm not a catasser, I get bored too easily. I want to explore and see the sights, help lower levels peeps (one of my favorite things to do in EQ was to collect things for christmas and go back to the eleven starting area and hand them out and buffs for hours straight), and make things. When the MMORPG became a job I either started another character and played the fun levels, lower levels again or gave up after awhile.

MMORPGs are easily some of the best games I've ever played. UO will always hold a place in my heart and some day I'll forgive Raph ( :P ). I'll remember my now lost guild and mates on EQ for the rest of my gaming career and I'll always remember trying to find my way in EQ (and then trying to find my wife… "I'm near a big tree. It's REAL big. Yes, it does look like the other trees."). I always remember playing my first MMORPG where I didn't feel hated, but valued as a customer. And I'll always remember how fun WoW was until you hit level 40 or so. So much to explore, to find out, to see, to mine, to make, to have fun with.

That's what MMORPG really did for me. They brought me in contact with kindred spirits. They brought many hours of frustration. But overall, they brought fun. For that I'm very happy. And I can't wait for the next one. And maybe, just maybe, they will learn from their fore fathers. Maybe they too remember that they stand on the shoulders of giants. 

What Would Matt Do: Play Guild Wars: Nightfall. Heroes fix a lot of things with that game. Definitely not the MMORPG LOTR. Ugh.

So I was reading on planetcrap a friend's review of Okami and how it wasn't a bad eight hour game except that it wasn't eight hours long. That the game has some flaws, namely a boss level that sounds pretty damn annoying and it got me angry. And we all know you won't like me when I'm green…er, angry.

Fuck Okami. And fuck Psychonauts. For the love of all that is holy I'm so tired of hearing how good those games are, Psychonauts in particular. Yes, Psychonauts had some cool stuff in it. Yes, some of the bosses that I played were extremely cool. Yes, some of the levels were very cool looking and very different. But here's the kicker… it was still just a jazzed up platformer, and hence, HAD A LOT OF BORING PARTS THAT REQUIRED YOU TO DO BORING PLATFORM THINGS (collect these things, run around and look for this thing, get 10 of these, etc, etc) TO GET TO THE COOL PARTS. It wasn't the end all be all of games. It didn't drastically revolutionize gaming and it wasn't a tragedy that it didn't sell well.

I'm SO tired of hearing oh the game industry is broken, oh the horror, oh how could it be, etc, etc, etc, etc. It wasn't a stellar game. It was a decent to good game broken apart with typical platform monotony. Hot fucking damn, get a grip people. Reviewers, I'm mainly talking to you. Why do you slather praise all over a middling game? Why do you let your review be influenced by other reviews (as is very much the case), why do you let things like Okami and Black and White get through to print with great scores, when the game isn't really great?

So, to all reviewers toting the line, to all internet denizens just agreeing anytime you mention Psychonauts you have to mention what a sad state of affairs gaming is in that this game wasn't more successful, and to everyone out there who believes them and just continues along the story, BITE ME. This is nothing to do with if you personally had fun with Psychonauts, this is do with it not being the second coming of games and NOT being a huge travesty that it didn't sell better.

That is all. For the moment.

What Would Matt Do: smack the shit out of people that talk about the travesty of Psychonauts. 

(see on Kotaku) 

That's it. That's the way you can tell if you're playing too much WoW. Sure, there might be other ways that maybe you can wonder if you have problem, but you don't need to wonder if you're addicted to WoW and should seek help if you're passing up sex with your in need woman to go on some Raid. Seriously.

I sit in bed naked begging him to give me attention so I don't feel like an object that he just got bored with and found something better to entertain him. I do not mind if he plays, it is how much he plays that bothers me.

See? That's a woman whose man needs help. For the love of all. 

What Would Matt Do: Get it on already. This is a pretty sad state of gaming. Gaming? Good. Sex with your woman? Mucho better. Clear enough? 

Nothing like those crazy foreigners to really put your own crazy peoples into perspective. This from a gentleman that works at the developers of Farcry.

When I tell people in Germany what I do for a living, they usually react with a mixture of pity and disgust, like I had admitted to them I was a male prostitute. I've learned to avoid the subject, and give a vague answer like "software developer", because this causes me less problems. The attitude has been getting worse lately.

Now that isn't too crazy. I know developers and game testers around here that get that same kind of reaction.  But then we get this:

In 2004 the Bavarian authorities sent in the state troopers. Ostensibly it was as a response to a claim made by a former employee that we had illegal software installed on our machines. Their remit, however, appeared to be a lot wider. When the small tech team appeared to inspect our computers, they were accompanied by over one hundred flak-jacketed riot police, all armed with Heckler and Koch sub-machine guns.

It was a total overreaction. It was like they expected to find us hunkered down behind our desks, pulling out our shotguns and semi-automatics and shouting "you'll never take me alive, polizei!" They arrived first thing in the morning, and kicked down our doors. They even raided the nearby private residences, with one of our programmers forced to lay down naked on the floor with a gun to his head after he discovered armed police in his room after finishing his shower.

Because we weren't all at work at the same ungodly hour that most Germans start, they were forced to set up ambushes all over town. I was caught just outside the office. Others were pounced on in the park. There were reports that they'd even set up roadblocks on the exits to the town. We were all shepherded into our Mo-Cap room, and there we were forced to remain until questioned, prevented from leaving by dozens of armed guards. There must have been two guys (and girls) with submachine guns for every one of us. You can imagine we didn't feel very welcome in Bavaria after that.

Wow. What can I say to that. I have family that lives in Germany and now I wonder if they are too caught up in this craziness. Next time I see them will have to hear how video games are the root of all evil and raise killers? I mean Jack Thompson is a joke among most rational people here. The Germans don't sound like they are kidding around.

Dr. Günther Beckstein (many important Germans have doctorates; the Germans seem to have a great respect for qualifications), Interior Minister for the state of Bavaria, has drafted a new law so that those "who distribute, produce, obtain or deliver computer games that allow the player to perform violent acts against human beings in a cruel way or a way violating human dignity as primary or secondary objectives, will be punished with a fine or imprisonment of up to one year.” He's backed by Lower Saxony, our neighbours.

Now while he says later this law probably won't make it into law since it's against the EU charter and so on, it's still scary shit. We have fake laws like that over here, but they involve showing IDs to buy games, not being put in jail for making video games.

He goes on to talk about articles in magazines and newspapers there and then this:

Despite the incredulity of these articles, the lack of evidence, and the bemusement of the rest of Europe, Germans remain adamant that these games are evil. A recent survey suggested as many as 66% of Germans would support a ban on these games. On the other hand, despite the known dangers of passive smoking, the certainty of a nasty and painful death for thousands every year, the majority of Germans are opposed to the banning of smoking even in restaurants.

Good to see the media is just as messed up in other countries as it here. I mean at least all media was created equal if men weren't.

I don't really have much to say this. He covers all of it very well. As I said at the beginning, who would have know today I'd be grateful we JUST have Jack Thompson.

What Would Matt Do: Hope for the best? And wonder why Crytek stays in Germany at all. 

And while they definitely the most qualified to speak on the matter, I call shenanigans(!). It's a silly thing to say and doesn't have an actual evidence to back it up.

Yes, culture's aren't what they once were. I agree completely, but I just can't agree with video games are what's stopping your countries from having more good Soccer players. For the love all.

What Would Matt Do: I'd call the tallest man in the world to save the kids like he does with dolphins. That's a horribly cool story.