What Would Matt Do

What’s that you say? If I have kids, I should really be parenting them myself and not some jackass at a Gamestop? Hmmm… Interesting thought there. Too bad this guy doesn’t agree.

1) No school-age customer can buy a video game unless an adult confirms that the child’s getting good grades in school.

2) GameStop doesn’t endorse or even know about the good-grade rule.

3) “I’m probably going to get in trouble for this, but to me it’s worth it, because the kids understand that somebody cares,” said Scott.

I added helpful numbering so I could easily translate it for you.

1) I’m a jackass and though I may be trying to do something I believe in, I’m taking parenting away from parents and deciding how and when your kids should be allowed to own video games.

2) Gamestop didn’t know until this article was published, now they will be firing me.

3) “I’m being retarded and because of that I will get in trouble for this, but to me, it’s good to be a game nazi. It’s funny too when the kids can’t get the games, because then I say, ‘No game for you!’ You should see the look on their little faces. Priceless.” said Scott.

Maybe I’m over reacting a bit here and maybe Scott’s heart is in the right place, but who died and made him god (All this talk of kids as me talking like them)? If maybe he could just enforce the age limits on the M rated games and call it a day, I’d be much happier.

And to be fair, Scott is right in some ways. Most parents don’t pay enough attention to the games their kids play, how well they do at school (or more fairly, how well they do in life), etc. But you can’t just randomly enforce that shit at a video game store. It not only doesn’t fit, it’s abusing your power (what little power a Gamestop manager has) and basically making yourself the arbiter of right and wrong. It’s silly, it’s over kill and it’s not helpful.

What Would Matt Do: I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’d require parental training for all people who wanted to be parents. I know where Scott is coming from here, but this just isn’t the way to go about it. Plus, grades at public schools often mean jack shit about how well adjusted a kid is.

I was going to make the topic Valve hates me, but I’m pretty sure everyone hates me at this point, so that isn’t the most useful topic. This one, on the other hand, really gets across my point. I think.

Let me explain. Valve recently announced their Orange Box (on the 9/11 anniversary of all days). This package includes the following:

• Episode 2 - great!
• Team Fortress 2 - Maybe great, maybe not.
• Portal - 3D puzzle game. Weeeeee.
• Peggle Extreme - Never played it, but it’s not even the full version.
• HL2 - huh?
• Episode 1 - double huh

And how much does said package cost? $45. How, and that’s only if I prepurchase, otherwise it’s $50.

What. The. Fuck.

While I wasn’t looking, did Valve decide I’m really stupid? Because here’s how this breaks down. If you believe the prices on steampowered.com, it’s a great deal. Except, well, it’s not. See, because I already bought HL2 and Episode 1. And I don’t want Peggle Extreme or Portal. And TF2…well, they made those crazy cool videos, but none of the actual gameplay videos or talk of it have convinced me I’ll be playing it for more than a couple of hours ever. Though, if I could get it for not too much, I’d still buy it.

So I’m really talking about getting Episode 2 and TF2 (if not too much). But wait, if I wait and try to buy those two separately, it’s going to cost $60…? What? I thought they said that Episode 2 + TF2 + Portal would be priced similarly to Episode 1. But instead, I’d have to pay $80 to got all three of those separately. Oh, I see your sneaky game Valve. Since it’s such a good deal, according to your prices, I should just buy the package and be happy about it. Well fuck that.

Maybe.

See, even though I already own HL2 + EP1, if I buy this package, I could give them away to someone else. Literally. But why, if this is something free they are throwing in with it, would they go through all of the effort of allowing me to give it away? And why do I have to purchase something I am just going to give away? Why isn’t there a Black Box, as they originally told us, that was nearer priced to EP1 and doesn’t require me to buy software I already bought?

Here’s why. Because Valve, being the enterprising bastards that they apparently are, know most people will just buy the Orange Box anyway. They know that offering the TF2 beta to those that pre-purchase the OB will help people over come the hurdle of re-buying software they already own. And they are probably right. Even though I can see and know I’m getting screwed, I REALLY want to play EP2 and want to try TF2…so if I want that, I might as well pony up and take their deal for the OB and be done with it. Right…?

What does this all come down to though for me though? Lost consumer confidence. I believed in Valve. I believed in Steam. I believed they were really trying to do something here, make a different distribution model that would allow them deal directly with the fans, cut out the middle man and be good “publishers”. Now I’m starting to think they are just like everyone else. It’s all about the quick buck. Great. Congrats, you got fooled me. I bought into the Steam is different idea and purchased a couple of things from it. Including Bioshock. I guess I should just go back to buying games in the brick & mortar stores and let Steam be…right?

I can’t tell if Valve is laughing at me, at my consumer stupidity, if they chuckle that I would buy the same game twice, that they believe I believe that this is a great deal or they hoodwinked me. Whatever they believe about me, the consumer, the gamer, valiant supporter of Steam, I don’t know that I believe in them anymore.

What Would Matt Do: I don’t know. Sure, it’s just a package, just way to say, here, take some stuff and pretend you’re getting a good deal. Heck, if you break it down by the things I’d actually buy, maybe it is a good deal. But it sure doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’ve been lied to, that I was promised one thing, and then they switched it up with the OB. Which requires me to buy games I already own to get in on this “great deal”.

Yeah, I know, that sounds like it’s against everything I stand for. But it’s not really, not when it works out to our advantage. Take for instance, one Mr. Thompson who didn’t, until recently, learn the valuable lesson, that you are not anonymous on the internet.

David B. Thompson, 30, recently wrote on an Internet message board that one of the more pleasurable parts of his job is when he gets to use his Taser, thus exposing people to the agonizing sensation of 50,000 volts of electricity pulsing through their bodies.

“Seeing someone get TASER’d is second only to being the guy pulling the trigger,” Thompson wrote on an Internet message board Aug. 25. “That is money. Puts a smile on your face.”

See, so while he is a degenerate, loser, scum of a person, he’s also stupid enough to post on the CoH message boards bragging about just how much scum he his. That’s pure goodness. Because he’s now going to get prosecuted for it.

Asked by the Portland Tribune to review the posts and comment, Sheriff Bernie Giusto launched an internal investigation of Thompson that will examine, among other things, whether he lied while accusing an inmate of assaulting him as a way to justify having injured the inmate.

And people say games aren’t good for you. The City of Heroes forums + arrogant stupidity is going to get this man fired and hopefully jail time. That’s an argument for gaming if there ever was one; stupid people will go to jail.

What Would Matt Do: Put this sadistic asshole away with the people he tortured. Eh, maybe. I don’t know if I’m that mean…