What Would Matt Do

That’s the question I keep asking myself as I play GTA4. Don’t get me wrong. I like it. I love it at points and hate it at others, but overall, I like it a lot. Were to pursue the oderous task of reviewing the game (I tried reviewing games once…while it seemed fun from the outside, it wasn’t. Reviewing games is pure work and ruins the game experience for me), I’d probably give it something like a 7.5/10 on a real 1-10 scale (not the normal 7-10 scales many places use).

I’m not the only one to feel that way. Look around the internet…along with all of the "OMG, THIS GAME IS PURE AWESOME!" you’ll see things like, "wtf, why do controls work that way" or "the missions are completely scripted and pretty much exercised from the rest of the game."

What does metacritic say about it? 98 out of 100. How far down do you have to scroll to see a review that doesn’t give it a 100 out of 100 (or the equivalent score)? How far down to do you have to look to find a review that doesn’t give a perfect score? 40+ reviews. The ones below that aren’t dropping off much. That makes GTA4 the highest rated game since metacritic started back in 2006 (I think). The highest rated game on any system of this generation.

This is what leads me wonder how this happens. How does a game that is even more scripted than previous iterations, sometimes corrupts save games (or refuses to load, etc), has controls that are anything but uniform through out the game and the awesome sandbox world doesn’t feel connected to the scripted missions at all get closer to a perfect score than any other game in the last 3 years? I didn’t even go back and look at other game review sites for a longer view on it, but I’m sure it’s not pretty.

(The following thoughts aren’t against any particular game reviewer or against game reviewers in general. I’m not hating the playa, but the system)

Here’s my guess. Game reviewers don’t review games like we play them. They are in a hurry (they have to meet deadlines, they have to get to the next game, etc). They are looking to beat the game, calculate the total hours played and see how frustrating it was for them. Oh, and how much fun. Then they use some archaic formulation to determine the rating of the game (hint: it involves drinking and random guessing). Once rated, they go on to the next game. Did they see how long the tutorial (i.e. - the first island) took to beat? Nope, because they were past that in the first night, didn’t seem like that long at all. Did they notice that missions were so scripted that often times they felt like chores and less engaging than most of the sandbox stuff you can do in the city? No, because they were trying to blow through the mission. The missions, which have handy guidelines how to beat them, and as long as you follow the rules and do every step in order, you’ll do just fine and mindlessly complete them. You don’t have time to think outside the box and see what happens if you try blow a guy up at the start of the mission instead of following the scripting. You don’t see that guys are impervious to damage until the exact point the game wants you to kill him.

Basically, you don’t see all of the stuff us gamers that aren’t in a hurry to complete it see. Is that game reviewers fault? Yes and no. I say yes because they should be trying to keep perspective, but really it’s no. No because they don’t have the luxury of that kind of time. Just like most of the rest of us, they have a job and they want to keep it. So they keep with the formula, they play the game as fast as they can, make a score and go on to the next one. That’s the nature of the industry.

The point of this article is to say, I don’t like the system. We aren’t even talking about peer pressure ("Gamespot gave it a 100, how can we give it an 80?") That’s a whole other issue. The question is though, what to do about it.

I have no idea. How can you fix a system where people want to know as soon as the game is released the website/magazine/etc opinion of it? Would it do any good to have a process that reviewed the game and released the review two months after the game was released? Would anyone pay to have a reviewer play a game for two or three months to get a real for it? That’s a big nay to all of those questions.

I don’t like pointing out problems and offering no potential solutions, but I’m just not seeing them here. On a personal level, I won’t be listening to the reviews so much. I didn’t get burned this time, but I have in the past (Black and White). I’m just going to have to show some constraint and not buy day one on games that are questionable. Let the internet get their meaty paws on it and see what the man on the street man says no matter what the reviewers say.

Any have any other suggestions? Maybe a way to fix the system overall?

What Would Matt Do: I think I’ll jack a car, drive over some citizens and then maybe play some GTA4. And if I do play some GTA4, I will not try to kill the bad guys in advance. Why? Because the game doesn’t allow me to.

I know, it’s a simple concept. When you develop games, you like it when people buy those games, because then you get money. Maybe you’ll use that money to fund your crazy sex addiction or to move to some mystical far away land like New Zealand or heck maybe you’ll even use it to make more games. What ever you do with it, you’d like some of it.

Up until this point though, Crytek, the makers of that decidely average but beautiful Crysis game, have finally decided to make console games too. What are their reasons…?

“We are suffering currently from the huge piracy that is encompassing Crysis. We seem to lead the charts in piracy by a large margin. I believe that’s the core problem of PC gaming: PC gamers that pirate games inherently destroy the platform. Similar games on consoles sell factors of 4-5 more. It was a big lesson for us and I believe we won’t have PC exclusives as we did with Crysis in future. We are going to support PC, but not exclusive any more.”

Ah yes, the ever present pirates and their dastardly ways. It probably has nothing to do with the game being dependant on the hardcore PC game market, a market that is very much pro stealing. It probably has nothing to do with them requiring PCs that only the special ops guys have to run it with the effects full on. It definitely has nothing to do with the afore mentioned hardcore PC game market being a pretty damn small market. Damn pirates.

But they are coming around on the market size issue. It’s daft for a company to release a FPS as a PC exclusive these days. Utterly daft. I’m glad Crytek finally realized it, but they must be smacking themselves on the forehead could of had a v8 style.

What Would Matt Do: Were I Crytek, I’d quit blaming pirates and starting putting the blame square on my shoulders, right where it belongs. Then I’d quit playing the blame game and make a damn fine console FPS. Maybe.

This is amazing stuff. Maybe it won’t be as wicked awesome (this is for you, sweets) as it appears on the videos, but damn me if I’m not excited. I don’t remember the last time I was as interested in a remake of a childhood game as I am for this one.

And even if you haven’t played Bionic Commando in the past (and if you haven’t, you probably shouldn’t call yourself a gamer), this game bring multiple multiplayer modes (there was no multiplayer in the original) to the table along with what looks like a particulary tight single player game. I’m in lust without ever having touched the controller’s colorful buttons to use my mechanical arm of doom.

What Would Matt Do: I’d utter something like, "Daddy likes!"

For a man sized game! Well, it could be. The screen shots say it should be. My inner gamer is telling me it will be (could someone tell them to shut up already, they sure do annoy my inner cranky bitch).

The game? Bionic Commando Rearmed. The price? $10. That’s awesomesauce if there ever was some.

Man, that trailer alone has me all excited. Can someone please allow me to give my $10 already so I can play this game? plskthx.

Own a PS3? Do you like pretending your PS3 is a PC? Do you like games about Devils that May Cry for the fourth time? Then I’ve got the game for you!

Devil May Cry 4 has a brand new feature in it, exclusively for PS3 owners…a 20+ minute install! That’s right, you too can “go make a sandwich and grab a soda” while waiting to play that brand new console game you just bought. Not only that, but:

While the game is loading, you get to watch a really nifty series of screens that completely catch you up on the DMC4 backstory. Think of it as compressing the last three “seasons” into a single info blast, accompanied by some fantastic DMC artwork. It’s great for those new to the series and also a good refresher to serious fans (you can also check out all these screens again later in the Library mode).

That’s right, they added in a slide show for you to watch while you’re waiting for your console game to install. That’s awesome! Well, except for the fact that you can’t skip said slide show, you can’t skip the 20 minute install and so on…but least they aren’t making you switch disks:

Wah! The game takes 20 minutes to install the first time. Wah! Have you ever played a PC game? At least we aren’t making you shuffle multiple discs into a ROM drive, or continuously click “Yes!” on a series of endless Windows dialog boxes. Installing on a console may seem like a weird idea, but there’s a real benefit. Unreal Tournament also has an option to install files onto your PS3; I’ve done it and it makes a great game even better.

Wah is right, you got damn retard. I love that Chris Kramer compares it to a PC install. Yeah, because that’s one of the best parts of a PC game, the install. I’m so glad they brought that over to the consoles. Maybe next we can get driver and directx issues? What a load of shit.

This is just lazy programmers. They could have made it load the first level or two and then had the rest load in the background or even just had a slower load times with an optional install. Instead, we’ve got yet another backsliding by consoles (remember when we didn’t have patches for our console games…).

Really though, where is Sony on this? How did this game get approved for their system with 20+ minute install? What kind of asshat signed off on that? Hopefully the kind that no longer has a job.

Oh, and the PA guys tell me the Bitches love Sanskrit.

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What Would Matt Do: What did Tycho say a bit back? Oh yeah, retard rodeo. That’s basically what this is. People releasing poorly designed software and then defending it with comments of it’s just like the PC. That’s like the world championship of retard rodeos.