What Would Matt Do

Quick rundown.

This is the game.

This is the response from feminist gamers.

             Shakesville:

—but the only thing I can’t figure out is why anyone would want to rescue a fat princess in the first place, since everyone knows that fat girls are unlovable human garbage at whom any sensible bloke would sooner hurl invective than cast a longing glance.

             Feministe:

Fat Princess is a send-up of that tired old cliche. Believe me, there are a lot of ways you could send up that cliche, but of all the possibilities, Titan chose to make the princess FAT. The joke here is also obvious: LOL who would want to rescue a fat chick? It’s a shtick that’s been used in animation and film plenty of times; the dashing hero thinks he’s rescuing a beautiful damsel in distress, but the “joke” is on him because it turns out she’s larger than acceptable! And therefore unattractive and a horrible burden for him to rescue, of course.

             Feminist Gamers:

Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry.

Oh, but that’s not as “cute” as cake and fat chicks. Right.

Wow, so many things to cover.

Lets start with how easy it is to troll the sweet lass at Shakesville. I won’t go into big detail on this since most of the internet falls down on this, but I’ll just say that if you want to sound professional, you probably shouldn’t be responding to stupid posts on the internet. How you can run a site on the internet and have such a thin skin I don’t know. Then again, if you want to sound like a raving idiot with a big chip on your shoulder who jumps off the handle at any perceived slight, you’re right on track.

Ok, now on to the whole fat princess thing. Who cares? What does it matter? It’s a game. It’s a mechanic in a game. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people are sensitive about their weight and it’s a very important issue to many people. But that should mean we can’t have fat people in games where we feed them? Way to overreact.

Or is it the fat girl idea? I don’t really know. What I do know while being fat is a sensitive subject to many, this is just a game. And actually a fun sounding one. Sure, they could have used a different mechanic, but why? It sounds fun.

Honestly, I want to sit down with the people that are taking offense to shit like this or to the WallE movie and tell them to quit being silly. I’m a fat guy, I don’t like being made fun of anymore than the next guy/girl, but damn me if this isn’t overly silly. Oh noes, you can feed a girl in a game and make her fatter so she harder to rescue! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

And again, I want to suggest that if you’re getting all out of sorts over a game or a movie, entertainment made to make money, you’re asking to be ridiculed. You’re not only asking for it, you’re holding up a big sign that says, "Hi, I’m an easy target!". It’s a system to make money with and you’re actually helping them make money by making a stink about it.

Also, some people whose rants I read about this game and other stuff they find offensive to fat people seem to think we shouldn’t talk about it at all. That we shouldn’t talk about being overweight being a national epidemic, that we shouldn’t make some good humored fun about it. That it isn’t a serious problem. I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with that. You can’t ignore things and hope they go away. Also, without fat, we wouldn’t have great Louis CK jokes like these.

What Would Matt Do: I’m trying to grasp the big uproar here, but I’m just not getting it. Take a breath, quit over reacting to a game that isn’t even released yet. You’re sounding almost as bad as the people that talk about murder simulators or SEXBOX games like Mass Effect. Basically, you’re not helping anything and making yourself a target. Not the brightest way to roll.

I have no idea on the stats or even if it’s really for serious true (I saw it on Kotaku), but if you have a PS3, you might want to hold off a bit on updating to the latest version. Apparently, 2.40 is bricking some systems.

Owners of PS3s in all shapes and sizes have been reporting that their systems were loading to the initial PlayStation wave screen and simply hanging there after applying 2.40. No icons, no controller functions, no nothing, just the wave across the middle of the screen.

I also see a couple of forum posts around the web very similar to this one on Eurogamer:

Downloaded the update, installed, and it restarted itself. It made the usual start sound, and just stopped and wouldn’t go past the waves.

Didn’t show any user accounts. It stayed on the waves for a good five minutes.

I decided its already installed the firmware, so switching it off wouldn’t make a difference.

And it didn’t. I switched it back on, and it still stopped at the waves. I switched it off again, and held my finger on the power button to reset the display settings (being that’s the only thing that I can actually do) and now it just display a black screen.

Controllers don’t connect (didn’t since the beginning), they just flash red and turn off.

What do you think? Fucked?

Yeah, I’d probably go with fucked.

Kotaku also mentions that some more tech savvy users have found out that if you take the HD out of the PS3 and format it, it’ll work again after the ps3 formats the driver when you put it back in. Which means you lose all of your saved games and installs, but at least you don’t have to send it in for weeks. Does removing the HD on a PS3 void the warranty? I doubt it, but it’s something you should consider. I know it doesn’t on the 360.

Oh, and Sony? Good fucking job. Do me a big favor, be sure to publicize whatever jackass QA firm you’re using to test your updates so I never go near them.

What Would Matt Do: Being that I don’t own a PS3, I’ll just shake my head sadly at Sony and wish the PS3 owners out there well. On the plus side, you’re probably just playing Blu Ray discs on the thing anyway so maybe you won’t lose anything with the format!

For a man sized game! Well, it could be. The screen shots say it should be. My inner gamer is telling me it will be (could someone tell them to shut up already, they sure do annoy my inner cranky bitch).

The game? Bionic Commando Rearmed. The price? $10. That’s awesomesauce if there ever was some.

Man, that trailer alone has me all excited. Can someone please allow me to give my $10 already so I can play this game? plskthx.

Own a PS3? Do you like pretending your PS3 is a PC? Do you like games about Devils that May Cry for the fourth time? Then I’ve got the game for you!

Devil May Cry 4 has a brand new feature in it, exclusively for PS3 owners…a 20+ minute install! That’s right, you too can “go make a sandwich and grab a soda” while waiting to play that brand new console game you just bought. Not only that, but:

While the game is loading, you get to watch a really nifty series of screens that completely catch you up on the DMC4 backstory. Think of it as compressing the last three “seasons” into a single info blast, accompanied by some fantastic DMC artwork. It’s great for those new to the series and also a good refresher to serious fans (you can also check out all these screens again later in the Library mode).

That’s right, they added in a slide show for you to watch while you’re waiting for your console game to install. That’s awesome! Well, except for the fact that you can’t skip said slide show, you can’t skip the 20 minute install and so on…but least they aren’t making you switch disks:

Wah! The game takes 20 minutes to install the first time. Wah! Have you ever played a PC game? At least we aren’t making you shuffle multiple discs into a ROM drive, or continuously click “Yes!” on a series of endless Windows dialog boxes. Installing on a console may seem like a weird idea, but there’s a real benefit. Unreal Tournament also has an option to install files onto your PS3; I’ve done it and it makes a great game even better.

Wah is right, you got damn retard. I love that Chris Kramer compares it to a PC install. Yeah, because that’s one of the best parts of a PC game, the install. I’m so glad they brought that over to the consoles. Maybe next we can get driver and directx issues? What a load of shit.

This is just lazy programmers. They could have made it load the first level or two and then had the rest load in the background or even just had a slower load times with an optional install. Instead, we’ve got yet another backsliding by consoles (remember when we didn’t have patches for our console games…).

Really though, where is Sony on this? How did this game get approved for their system with 20+ minute install? What kind of asshat signed off on that? Hopefully the kind that no longer has a job.

Oh, and the PA guys tell me the Bitches love Sanskrit.

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What Would Matt Do: What did Tycho say a bit back? Oh yeah, retard rodeo. That’s basically what this is. People releasing poorly designed software and then defending it with comments of it’s just like the PC. That’s like the world championship of retard rodeos.

I’ve missed all kinds of news while I was on…hiatus? I don’t know what to call it, but it’s done now. And I didn’t really miss the news. I’ve followed the Dyack suit, the sploding 360s, broken toys (as any good stalker does) and all kinds of rumblings through out the industry. It’s actually been a pretty news worthy time I missed out on whining about. Well, don’t fear, I’m back, I like to wear black sometimes and the prisoners will not be taken! Maybe.

As for today’s entry, it’s apparently very good to be a 360 owner, if you don’t mind a bit of a break in your gaming when your 360 dies (mine hasn’t died yet, but you know, it’s considered it once or twice). Why, do you ask, is it good to be a 360 owner even if it might eat your cat at any point? Because it’s the system you’re going to want to play GTA IV on. That’s right, not only is GTA IV going to be released simultaneously on the 360 and the PS3, but 360 is the system you should own it for if, and get this quote, “you want the complete experience with the episodes”. I find much awesome in that. Why? Well, because I’m a 360 owner and don’t want to buy a PS3 while they still cost bajillions and have no must buy games as of yet.

From Games Radar:

“They’re identical games,” Simon continued. “We’re not hardware makers, and we’re not like a pawn between these companies, we try not to be as much as we can. We make great games for people to enjoy on whichever system they want.

“But I guess if you want the complete experience with the episodes, then yeah, you should buy the 360, I suppose,” Simon said.

So they are completely identical except for that part about it being the complete experience on the 360. I love it.

What Would Matt Do: Well, it’s good to be back and since it is, I’ll just say, I’m so looking forward to GTA IV and leave it that. Also, I missed my three loyal readers! Nerd hugs for everyone!